The Butcher Is King
by ReinikSociety
Summary: After the events of the annual Asgardian boar hunt, Peter realizes how close he was to being hunted down and eaten. With this realization, Peter finds himself unable to eat or sleep. As he writes in his journal entries, he finds himself spiraling down a nightmarish hell that started with the blow of a horn. WARNING Contains dark, mature content (such as the subject of cannibalism)


Author's Note: Hello! I decided to make this FF after watching the Ultimate Spider-Man episode "Run, Pig, Run" (the second time around), which this story is based right after. This is my first time writing with entry-type writing, and my first time dealing with mental illness in fanfiction. It kind of felt fluid when I was writing this. I really did like the idea. Anyway, hope you like it. Enjoy!

P.S.

Peter might be OOC. I feel like I'm kind of okay with that, though.

P.P.S.

I don't know the names of those red-headed Asgardian twins that hunt with Skurge, so if you _do_ know their names, I'd be much appreciative if you told me. Thanks!

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Journal No. 42 (Wow. I keep a lot of journals.)

Entry 1: I can't sleep. It's been two weeks since those Asgardians left New York and I was de-cursed from being Spider-Ham. I've been trembling every night since then (right before bed, on the dot). My mind races - I'm still thinking of them trying to eat me. I know it shouldn't bother me like it does, but all I can think of is those Asgardians ripping me to pieces just to eat. It's gotten so out of hand that I can hardly eat, myself. When I do finally put a fork to my mouth, the grotesque visions come back, and I lose my appetite. I know Aunt May is worried, and I know Fury notices my weight loss, slight though it may be. But what can I do? I want help, but I'm at a loss. I mean, I'm a superhero! If people found out about this, I'd be the laughing stock of my team, not to mention the city! No way can anyone know. I'll just have to let the problem ride itself out.

Entry 2: I went to school today as usual. What wasn't so usual, though, was the fact that I fell asleep during class (the class that _had_ to have Bucket Head in it, of course). I started having nightmares about "that day." I screamed so loud, I'm pretty sure all of NY heard me. The teacher asked if I needed to see the nurse, and I, of course, made the lame excuse that I was just having stomach problems and needed to use the bathroom. The teacher looked at me funny (yay, me) and handed me a hall pass. That's around the time I crumpled in the bathroom and started to cry.

Entry 3: I can't take it! Stupid Fury's been hounding my ass about my weight. Sided with Aunt May's constant questions and concerns and the guys poking fun at my confused fits of dry sobs, I'm going crazy. I know I'm a superhero! I'm not supposed to take villainous actions so personally, I KNOW! But they don't. And I'd rather keep it that way, thank you very much. Besides, I don't think my weight's that concerning (I was 140lbs, now I'm 129lbs), and I never let the guys see me actually cry. I just tell them the dry sobs are asthma attacks due to allergies. They don't know the difference. Well, they don't bother to know the difference...

Entry 4: I'm so tired. I'm so hungry. But mostly tired. I can't get a good night's sleep. I'm screwing up my baddie battles! Need to stay focused! More coffee, more homework. These nightmares will go away. Just gotta wait.

I've been force-feeding myself soup. It's harder than you'd think. The soup reminds me of... blood. No. Gotta stay focused. I can't get those stupid Asgardians out of my head! Damn you, Thor!

Entry 5: Okay, so I know it's not Thor's fault those guys tried to consume me. He even tried to help me. But I feel like, sense he's from Asgard, _something_ could have been done. Now I _could_ do the sensible thing and ask to speak to Thor about this, but I know that isn't going to happen. So what's the next best thing? Cry it out. A lot. We'll see where that goes.

Entry 6: I feel so weak. Ava told me, as I was swinging on my web today, I fell mid-swing and hit a streetlight. I don't remember that at all. My head does hurt, though.

Last night, I dreamt I bashed the heads in of those Asgardians. That might've been the best dream of my life. I know that doesn't sound very superhero-like, but, hey, it was just a dream, right?

Entry 7: I've started pinching myself. I know. I attend those mandatory mental health awareness announcement things like the rest of them. But it really helps keep my mind off... you know. Also keeps me awake sometimes. Don't want my grades slipping.

Lately, I've started shaking in meetings with Fury and the gang. The tremors start suddenly, and once I feel the first wave of shakes, I can't stop them. Today, I had to dismiss myself when I couldn't complete a full sentence. A full sentence, I might add, that was important when pertaining to the recent run-in I'd had with Batroc the Leaper. It sucks. It really, really sucks. When I went out into the hallway, ready to start dry heaving, Ava came up from behind me, laying her hand on my shoulder. I was so startled, I smacked her hand away and almost punched her in the face. Of course, she was pissed, like anyone would be. She asked me what was wrong, said I didn't look at all good, but I just snapped at her and left down the hallway. I can be such a jerk...

Entry 8: I can't stop crying. I've been in my room all day, just crying. I want sleep, I want food. But I'm so scared. I'm crying even as I write this. Damn it, somebody, help me!

Entry 9: I checked my weight today. Let's just say it doesn't look so good. I was 129lbs, now I'm 116lbs. So, I've lost 24lbs overall, and it's only been three weeks. And I am so weak, it's not even funny. I'm going to daydream about sleep now.

Entry 10: I swear I heard voices outside my bedroom window last night. I think those Asgardians are back... No. That's ridiculous... Right?

This morning, I woke up and vomited onto my bedroom floor. It's not easy watching your Aunt clean up your puke. She tried to question me, obviously concerned. I just snapped at her, then walked past. I didn't bother grabbing a piece of toast after cleaning up for school. I didn't see the point. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I thought I saw something under the table. Was it blue or red?

Entry 11: Apparently, I collapsed during class today. I wound up in the nurse's office. I had an IV attached to my hand, and when I fully comprehended things, I saw Fury and Coulson standing in front of the closed door. They grabbed a couple of chairs and sat in front of the bed I was in. I felt really afraid and uncomfortable. I started shaking. Coulson put his hand on my arm to try and calm me, but I just shook more.

Entry 12: I see them, I swear! I tried to tell Fury they were back, but he just looked at me like I was crazy! He wouldn't listen! I can hear flapping wings, a horn, laughter, slurping and chewing... Oh, God...

Entry 13: Why am I here? I'm not crazy! Why am I locked away with those _I've_ locked away?! I tried to scream to the guards to let me out, but they act like they can't hear me!

Entry 14: I have a bit of a clearer head today. I asked Fury if I could talk to Thor. He said he was too busy to talk to me. I pleaded, "One second." But, still, no.

At least I slept through the night last night. Must be the drugs they gave me.

Entry 15: I saw something fly quickly by my cell (that's what I'm calling it, sense it's a PRISON). So, I screamed, and when an orderly came by to check on me, I hit him against the head, knocking him out. I tried to sneak out of this prison, but I couldn't go too far. I was just too weak. Damn it. At least I managed to take a small detour for some of those miracle drugs they give me. They help me sleep so well...

Entry 16: I overdosed on the drugs I stole a few days ago. I vaguely remember the incident. I know I remember a tube of some sort. Kind of reminded me of Doc Ock for some reason. The team came to see me in the ICU today. That made me happy. Brought a smile to my face after what feels like a long time.

Entry 17: A few days have gone by since the OD incident. The dreams have calmed a bit. They say my "erratic and violent behavior towards myself and others" has calmed, as well. They started me on these therapy-like sessions. All S.H.I.E.L.D.-ordained, obviously. They also have me taking monitored antidepressants. I wonder what story they fed Aunt May to keep her from questioning where I am.

Entry 18: I can't take it here anymore... It's so lonely, and I hear scratching on the door at night. At first, I thought it was the orderlies trying to torment me, but when I looked out of the little window on the door, no one was there.

Entry 19: Fury told me Thor's coming to visit tomorrow. It should be a bad thing, considering, but I think it's a good thing. I can finally tell him what I need to tell him. So there's that.

My tremors come out only at sessions and at night now. But they're still horrible. When I have them, I swear I can hear the chewing and slurping from a few days ago... Sometimes the orderlies don't come to help me, so I just shove my head into my pillow and hope my body can last the night. I feel so weak. And I don't mean physically (I've actually been doing a little bit better in the physical health department). I mean emotionally. I feel like I'm a little kid, not a hero. I'm a disgrace, and I'm ashamed.

Entry 20: The meeting with Thor did NOT go as planned. Not only was I not able to tell him what I needed to tell him, but I insulted his homeland and family in the process. Somehow, in the short five minutes I was able to talk to him, I managed to call his brother a traitor, his mother a whore (that one's not on me, he interprets words as he wants to), and his friends insane cannibals. Let's just say he was not happy. Fury had to pull him from my cell and remind him of my state, which I overheard from an orderly, by the way, because by the time that happened, I was out cold after Thor hit me with his hammer hard enough to knock me out for a few hours. So, yeah. I have a horrible headache. And I don't feel better about any of this at all. I think I'll try crying again.

Entry 21: All the pinching I've done on my arms has really taken its toll. There are scabs and scars from where, apparently, I've been pinching harder than I realized.

When the nurses come into my room to take my stats, they totally ignore me, like I'm not even there, a ghost. I try to spring up conversations, make a joke here and there to lighten the mood, but they won't even look me in the eyes. I didn't ask to be here. It just makes me want to pinch my arms so badly...

Fury hasn't visited me in three days.

Entry 22: I cut my arm on a piece of bottle (the one from my overdose that apparently rolled under my bed) that I broke, and wrote a message in blood to Fury, "Don't forget to call." I know. It's not like me to do something this weird, but I felt especially crazy today. Just thought I'd let him know.

Entry 23: When the orderlies called Fury about my message early in the morning, he came over, entered my cell, pulled me by my arm from my peaceful - and for once, sound - sleep, and slapped me hard across the face. He spent a good thirty minutes lecturing me on how "stupid and dangerous that was." The most time anyone's spent visiting me.

Entry 24: These mandatory clothes they make all the prisoners (that's what we are, after all) wear are really annoying and itchy. I itched myself so bad, blood soaked through them from all my itching. They really need to change our mandatory clothes.

Last night, I dreamt I was at home, eating Aunt May's delicious meatloaf with everyone, including Fury and Coulson. It was so warm and inviting. I miss you, Aunt May...

Entry 25: I must have ticked off the guy who serves the food, because I found a cockroach floating in my water and several pieces of hair in my sandwich and dessert. I just dumped it all into the toilet and flushed it down. I wasn't going to eat that. They must be pissed about all the screams I emit because of the nightmares. Who would've thought one incident with a few Asgardians would make me this way, end me up here? Not me. It's like the "bad" ending to a video game. I thought I was stronger than that.

Entry 26: These antidepressants are doing nothing to help my depression. I still feel horrible. Am I always going to be remembered by my teammates as "Peter, Who Went Crazy Because Of Some Asgardian Hunting Game"? No! I won't let it happen!

Entry 27: Fury's here right now. He's sitting across from me in a chair in front of the door. He probably thinks I'm avoiding him by pretending to type on my tablet. He'd only be half right, though. It's not that I don't want to talk to him, it's just, I'm afraid he'll say I won't be able to leave soon. I really don't want to hear that...

Entry 28: Fury just left. So, he never said anything about not being able to leave soon. But he also said nothing about being able to leave soon. Better than bad news, I guess. He asked me how my sessions were going. I said, "Well." I tried to crack wise like I usually do, but it seemed he really wasn't in the mood this time. I guess that makes both of us.

Entry 29: Last night, I had the worst nightmare I've had during this whole ordeal. In it, I was being chased by, you guessed it, those Asgardians. They grabbed me by my mandatory clothes, and started ripping them off my body. One by one, they each took turns digging their fingers into my stomach, pulling out my innards like zombies and sucking on them like spaghetti. I woke with the loudest scream this prison has probably ever heard. I started shaking and coughing. I got up from my bed and rushed to the toilet, vomiting everything I'd eaten into it. Afterwards, I flushed the toilet and cried as I watched it all go down, with it, somehow, my life.

Entry 30: You know, if it weren't for that damn hot dog, I wouldn't be in this mess. If it weren't for my gluttony that day, I wouldn't be the mess I am now. I hate you, Loki. I wish Thor would break that stupid helmet in half with his hammer - and your head in it while he's breaking it.

Fury called today, said he wouldn't be able to see me today, and to not do anything stupid while he's gone. What does he think I'll do, hurt myself again? I'm not crazy! I'm not just going to hurt myself willy-nilly! What an asshole.

Entry 31: I'm about to go to bed. I feel like I'm about to shake again. My therapist said if I started to feel this way again to breathe in and out, slowly. I tried, but I still feel shaky. I can't do this right now. I'm going to see if I can somehow sneak out and roam the halls.

Entry 32: Last night was horrible. I managed to sneak out through an air vent on the ceiling. When I started roaming the halls, I heard the patients in the other rooms. All their moaning and groaning and nonsensical babbling really reminded me of where I am. I couldn't feel more alone. When I was taking a turn down one of the hallways, I saw something slowly fly by an open door at the end of the hall. The room was dark, so I couldn't see what it was, but I'm 90% sure it was the wolf of that executioner. I've been trying to tell Fury they're back, but no one will listen! Maybe I should just let them eat me. Get it over with. I hate this.

Entry 33: I was so scared last night when I returned to my room, I used another piece of broken bottle to cut my arm. It actually calmed me more than you'd think. It made the scratching at the door less sharp, less irritating.

This morning, I woke up with this impending sense of doom. And I know why. Those Asgardians are here to kill me, and there's nothing me or anyone else can do.

Tonight, I'm going to try to escape again. Just maybe I have a chance if I do.

Entry 34: Okay. I just escaped that hellhole a few minutes ago. Right now, I'm behind the building. I can clearly see an alleyway I can run through to leave this place. I hear people coming.

Entry 35: I'm pretty far away from that facility. For S.H.I.E.L.D., you'd think they'd have better security. Anyway, I fell into a puddle and scraped my knee pretty bad. Gotta find something to clean it up. Fury's been calling out for me over an over-sized intercom from his dumb Helicarrier. Okay, it's not dumb, but it's hard as hell to deal with when you're trying to escape. I'll just slip into that closed pharmacy across the street. They won't miss a few gauzes.

Entry 36: I don't know why I'm writing all this down. I guess it's because it's the only documented proof of those Asgardians trying to kill me.

It's been a few days since I escaped. My knee is swollen and red and I'm not feeling good at all. I think I have a fever.

Entry 37: I feel like I'm about to pass out. I found an abandoned storehouse. I'm staying in it until I can prove to Fury and the rest of them I'm being hunted again. I think I hear them now... I hear a horn too. It's pretty close by. Gotta be quiet.

Entry 38: Oh, God! I can hear them right outside the door! They're going to eat me! Help me, Fury! Someone help me! I can't do this anymore!

Entry 39: I woke up in a hospital a few minutes ago. Fury tells me I was lying in a pool of my blood when they found me. He says I cut up my legs pretty bad, said I was muttering something about cutting away the weakness... I don't remember any of it. I know I was there by my entries, but... I can't believe it. Did I really act like that during these few weeks? I couldn't really understand it until I reread the entries. I feel so horrible. I've caused everyone so much trouble, so much worry...

The doctor says I have an infection from my scraped knee. I'm taking antibiotics now. I pray I get better.

Entry 40: I've been crying all day. Not like I did when I wrote entry 8, but silently. I feel like I'm getting better mentally, but I'm not leaving the care of Fury until I truly get better. I'm going to get some rest. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Entry 41: Thor came to visit me today, along with my teammates and Coulson. After everyone left, Thor stayed behind. He told me he knew about what I'd been going through. He said, "Fury tells me you think those hunters are here to consume you again." I tried to tell him I don't believe it as much anymore, but he wouldn't let me talk. He continued, "Skurge and his hunters are not here in Midgard, my young friend. But if they do dare come to hunt you again, I will crush them with Mjolnir! So sayeth the son of Odin!" He said this while lifting his hammer into the air. I was a little afraid he'd hit me with it again. I replied with, "Thanks, Thor." And he left with a nod. I was so relieved to hear him say that.

Entry 42: It's been a couple weeks since I wrote an entry. I'm leaving the hospital today, after having convinced Fury and Coulson I'm definitely well enough to come back home. I already packed what little I had with me. I'll be happy to see this place go.

Entry 43: I'm settling back in pretty well. Apparently, Coulson told Aunt May I'd been studying out-of-state for an exam to catch up on all the homework I'd been missing from slacking off (yeah, thanks, Coulson. Now Aunt May thinks I'm a poor student...). The guys all, surprisingly, welcomed me back without even a wise crack (well, maybe one or two jabs from Sam). Never underestimate how much your friends have got your back. I know it's going to be a little awkward around the guys for a while, considering, but hopefully things will get back the way they were for everyone, including me.

After all, they only try to eat me at night.

THE END


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